She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
