Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
