I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
