Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
