How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
