I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize