were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
