After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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