She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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