You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and you said cock pushups were impossible
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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