well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
