I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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