You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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