i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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