ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He felt like a one man threesome
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
