Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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