You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
