I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
