he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
