Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
