ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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