too bad you live with your parents still
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
