I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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