I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize