My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
