I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize