I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
