ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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