I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
