I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
