i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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