So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
