Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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