its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
