I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
