if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
