i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
