i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
