having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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