He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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