Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize