i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
