but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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