just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
