Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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