I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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