So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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