He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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