so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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