the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
