Pappa wants mamma naked
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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