Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm way too hungover for life right now
pray to the hookup gods
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
