He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
A+ Viking dick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
