I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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