alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
is that a dick in a sweater?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
