I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
