I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
this hospital has no fireball
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
