And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No more Irish car bombs ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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