yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
