Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
