when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
