i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Actions speak louder than pants.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
