I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
