Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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