How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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