I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
