Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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