At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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