pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
