i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
