i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
