naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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