When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
