Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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