yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
