sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize