just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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