it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
