dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
