I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
