The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize