i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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