During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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