Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
