I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
