is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize