Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
