This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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