I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize