I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
