we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize