lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
