o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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