thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
