Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
