He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
