Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
