Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
