remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
