can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
