Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
